What are you doing on the 27th?

First pizza, now this!  What a night!

May 27, as most of us know, is the day everything changes, for lo, we will lift up our eyes and see the dramatic return of Jesus Christ to this planet, as King, Kaiser, Caesar and Beloved Leader - no voting required.

At least that's what Ron Weinland, the last apostle and end-time prophet is saying.  And it's not like Ronnie has led anyone up this particular garden path before, is it?

Just think, all that money Mitt Romney has spent campaigning, and he'll never be president.

The Hobbit movie will never be finished.

The bank will never bleed another mortgage payment off you.

Hallelujah!

So brethren, what will you be doing on Sunday the 27th as you await the Lord's return?

Let's face it, loose white garments - choir robes and suchlike - are kind of tacky and, well, it's been done before.

Those of us, true believers one and all, who admire Ronnie's selfless ministry and gladly accept that he is one of the two witlesses, er, witnesses, can lend our support on this unprecedented day, the day human history effectively ends, by celebrating.

Assuming of course that the wicked Laodiceans in our midst (and you know who you are) aren't wiped out first in Ron's Reader's Digest Condensed Tribulation.

Using the sterling example set by The Journal with its 'festival reports', let's compile some 'end of the age reports' as we mark, in our various ways, the end of time as we know it.

Some suggestions:
Pizza and the Parousia.  Take the family out to the local pizza joint, but be sure to avoid ham toppings.  Stay late, remember, Monday is cancelled.

Bar bar Black Sheep.  No, not a typo, and especially designed for the backsliders in our midst.  Get thee down to one of the more salubrious local bars or pubs and order a meal.  Time it right and you'll never have to pay!

Fermented Grapes of Wrath.  Stay in for a home cooked meal, but pick up an especially nice bottle of wine to toast Ron, Laura and their Lord.

Geekery.  Live-blog the big event, or set yourself up for a tweeting marathon as news comes through of the Armies of Heaven on their broken kneecaps crusade ("every knee shall bow!")

Signs of the Times.  Put up a sign on your fence as a cryptic witness to the day's true significance.  "Ron told us so!", "Bob Thiel will be really hosed off"  or "Ron and Laura WHO?"

That's only a few of the possibilities.  More suggestions welcome.  I think I'll go for Bar Bar Black Sheep - who knows the next time I'll be able to order a pint of Murphy's with the $10 Chicken Parmigiana!  Whatever you do though, don't let the occasion pass unnoted.  And yes, as we all enter the thousand year millenium, Ron's Wonderful World Tomorrow, don't forget to send in your 'best apocalyse ever' reports.  We'll be pleased to receive them...

...regardless of the state our kneecaps are in.

The Most Disturbing Chapter

A few days ago there was a posting here that asked which passage in the Bible was most disturbing.  Most of the nominations involved horrendous Old Testament passages.  There's certainly a lot to object to in the Hebrew canon, not least the famous 'waters of Babylon' psalm, Ps. 137.

⁸ O daughter of Babylon, who are to be destroyed,
Happy the one who repays you as you have served us!
⁹ Happy the one who takes and dashes
Your little ones against the rock!

Perhaps the concentration camp staff at Auschwitz comforted themselves with such verses, but they would be the vilest exception.  Yet, in the context of other ancient literature, this is hardly uncommon.  Brutal times draw forth brutal literature, and that includes scripture.  I recollect being scandalised by a passage in the Bhagavad-Gita some years ago, every bit as contemptuous of human life as anything you'd find in the Pentateuch.  Viewed as god-breathed holy writ such passages are an abomination, but seen as examples of national literature at a time of robber-baron royalty... not so much of a surprise.

My nomination, seemingly far more benign, comes from the pen of Paul the apostle:  Romans 13:1-5.

13 Every person should place themselves under the authority of the government. There isn’t any authority unless it comes from God, and the authorities that are there have been put in place by God. ² So anyone who opposes the authority is standing against what God has established. People who take this kind of stand will get punished. ³ The authorities don’t frighten people who are doing the right thing. Rather, they frighten people who are doing wrong. Would you rather not be afraid of authority? Do what’s right, and you will receive its approval. ⁴ It is God’s servant given for your benefit. But if you do what’s wrong, be afraid because it doesn’t have weapons to enforce the law for nothing. It is God’s servant put in place to carry out his punishment on those who do what is wrong. ⁵ That is why it is necessary to place yourself under the government’s authority, not only to avoid God’s punishment but also for the sake of your conscience.

This is a licence to do nothing in the face of injustice.  More than that, it is a churchly sanction not only to do nothing, but at minimum to give tacit support to evil.  If it had been taken seriously there would have been no American Revolution, no civil rights movement, no overthrow of dictatorships, no emancipation from slavery, no democracies.  In short, no progress.  Adhere strictly to Paul's advice and we'd all still live in totalitarian states, sanctified societies where the church counsels its members to quietism; sit down, shut up and do whatever you're told.

The ideal society of Romans 13 would look a lot like Nazi Germany, or, given its provenance, the Roman Empire.

And yes, it was indeed a popular passage in Nazi Germany.  Did you have qualms of conscience about disappearing Jewish neighbours, conscription into the Wehrmacht, the euthanizing of the mentally unfit?  Go read Romans 13!

From here we move out into the nightmare nonsense of Augustine's two cities and Luther's two kingdoms, the lethal concept of "left hand of God."  Truly this is a very, very long way from the teachings of Jesus. 


And we have Paul to thank for it.

Anglo theologising has - to briskly stir the bucket - always been rubbish, especially as influenced by that deviant variety of Reformation thought known as Calvinism.  And yet it has been in the grey murk of Anglo Protestantism that slavish obsequiousness to the demands of the state - the Pauline imperative in Romans 13 - has been deemphasised.  It has been here that non-conformism found a voice, and a prophetic stance against the state made not only possible but acceptable and valued.  If for nothing else one is moved to say, thank God for the Methodists.

Go figure.

Romans 13 seems uncontroversial at first but, read with the standard set of assumptions (sadly, the most natural reading) it brims with the potential for the bitterest fruit of human oppression - authorised and enforced by God.  Paul is not talking about a liberal democracy like Sweden or New Zealand;  his point of reference is the iron grip of Rome.  What was Paul thinking when he wrote "The authorities don’t frighten people who are doing the right thing... Do what’s right, and you will receive its approval."  Did he not know that the Empire had executed Jesus?  The irony is that, according to legend at least, he too was soon to be crushed under the boot of "God's servant."

No thinking person today could accept the implications of this passage. 

There are other ways of reading the five verses.  Two I'll expand on in later posts.  But even if Paul (assuming Paul did write them, and its not an interpolation) was talking about something other than the obvious, that would not erase two thousand years of damnable precedent.

Two thousand years and counting.

The End Draweth Nigh - Again

(With a nod of thanks to DVB who drew my attention to "nigh-ness" of the Big Event).

There are just days to go before Christ returns.  I know that's true because His return has been announced by God's little friend, Ronald Weinland, one of the Two Witnesses of Revelation.  And the date, for any of you slackers who haven't already bestirred yourselves, is May 27.

Weinland also modestly bears the offices of "the last apostle of this age" and "God's end-time prophet", so we'd all better listen up!  Unsurprisingly, Ron has been down this path before, just like Harold Camping.  However unlike Harold, Ronnie is anything but a broken man, and loudly and proudly rattles his tonsils for the faithful few who continue to fund him in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed.

In fact, the only previous Otagosh posting that features Ronnie continues to be one of the most googled.  Ron, who began his career as a minister in the service of Herbert W. Armstrong, originally gained profile with a couple of giveaway books that identified 2008 as the year of the Great Tribulation.  More recently he and his dutiful wife Laura (a.k.a. the Second Witness) have fallen afoul of the IRS.

But that's all going to be beside the point in a couple a weeks.  The Trib is going to be short, very short.  In fact it may have already begun, though I can't see any signs of mushroom clouds over the Pukekohe hill as yet.  You can read for yourself the witness/apostle/prophet's inspired last-minute explanation of how all this fits in over on his website.  My advice for those so convinced: send Ronnie a generous back-dated tithe cheque quick!

A Paradoxical Prayer

Every so often an ancient, forgotten document crosses my path or, to be more precise, is downloaded onto my Kindle.  Rooting around in the byways of obscurity, I came across this little gem.

O Father of confusions and sorrows, give us aid.

O Thou whose existence we doubt, doubt us not at such a time.

O ruler of the unrulable, O creator of the uncreated, O speaker of truths that lie, let our minds be clear and our aim accurate.

O mystery in clarity, O foulness in purity, O darkness in light, comfort us and guide and lead us.

Bring us not into error.

Cause us not to feel regret.

Remain with us now as on the first and last of all days.

Thou concealer of destinies and shatterer of patterns, be merciful, for in hatred lies love, in blindness lies sight, in falsehood lies righteousness.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Profound, huh?

This little beauty would lend itself to a responsive reading in many a church.

Where does it hail from?

(1) A recent retranslation of one of the Nag Hammadi texts.
(2) A 19th century theosophical text by Charles Leadbeater
(3) A famous science fiction writer
(4) The unpublished letters of Joseph Smith, archived in Salt Lake City
(5) A 2nd century book of Marcionite prayers
(6) The young Charles Darwin, when studying theology prior to Voyage of the Beagle.

The answer tomorrow.  Meanwhile feel free to memorise, chant and recite at your personal discretion.

Yes, the prayer comes from the pen of sci-fi master Robert Silverberg in his novel Across a Billion Years, published in 1969.  Maybe not his finest work, but still an amusing tale.

The Most Disturbing Book or Chapter in the Bible

The Bible has a lot to commend it, even if we can no longer regard it as infallible and inerrant, and beyond the impious questioning of mere mortals.  A favourite Gospel?  An inspirational voice of prophecy?  A storehouse of wisdom?  A charming novella? Yes!  I'd pluck for Mark, First Isaiah, Sirach and Tobit (the last two among the deuterocanonical works).  There is a place beyond naive biblicism where the power of these ancient books still works magic on cynical readers in a post-Enlightenment world.  As a cultural artifact, as literature, and as a witness to the faith struggle of those who went before us, this is a corpus that demands not obsequious worship, but simple respect, and I for one resist the call to join in the jabbering chorus of bah, humbug.

But, let's be honest, Mark Twain had a point.

It [the Bible] is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.  Letters from the Earth

Despite the desire of many well-intentioned scholars to rehabilitate the book of Revelation, for example, sane people find it a noisome bog, a place where many have succumbed to the basest, crudest and frankly stupidest speculations.  Call it the voice of the oppressed as much as you like, it still counts more as 'obscenity' than 'noble poetry'.  D. H. Lawrence summed up it's aberrant virtues better than most.

We can understand that the Fathers of the Church in the East wanted Apocalypse left out of the New Testament. But like Judas among the disciples, it was inevitable that it should be included. The Apocalypse is the feet of clay to the grand Christian image. And down crashes the image, on the weakness of these very feet. There is Jesus--but there is also John the Divine. There is Christian love--and there is Christian envy. The former would "save" the world--the latter will never be satisfied till it has destroyed the world. They are two sides of the same medal.

But what if you were asked to nominate the most disturbing chapter or section in the Bible?  The passage that has been the greatest force for evil, not good.  What would it be, and why?  (My nomination follows in a day or two.)  Thoughts?

Chapter & verse, Elohim, hades and more

Episode 5 of The Human Bible podcast, hosted by Bob Price, has been posted.  No earnest self-flagellating offered, and none required.

Great fun, plus you learn stuff!

God loves a cheerful giver

For those who missed it on Jim West's blog.