Things going belly up. Have to find a real job, but my Ambassador degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on. Hoping my studies to become accredited (licentiate in theology) by the Anglicans and Methodists will throw me a lifeline. From "mister" to "reverend", imagine it!
Tuesday
More bad news, the lifeline just snapped. One of the "dog collars" found out about my history as a WCG pastor and the word is out. On top of that my brain hurts when I have to read that theological stuff with all those big words. No job prospects there!
Wednesday
Opened LinkedIn account. That should open some doors.
Thursday
A job offer at last! One of the sillier WCG splinters, and let's face it, this Dear Leader isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, even by COG standards. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. Gotta keep the wolf from the door.
Friday
Working on that LinkedIn account. Keeping the options open. Won't specify the church's name as my current employer - just put up the alphabet soup initials instead. Nobody outside Dear Leader's group will know what it means anyway.
Saturday
Dear Leader's sabbath. I thought I was well over this Sabbath stuff but, well, when in Rome... Turns out the last guy they employed in this role is now "doing time". I'm off to preach to a congregation of five.
Sunday
Still working on that LinkedIn entry. Educational qualifications? What to do, what to do? I have this worthless BA from the Bricket Wood campus. Took the best part of five years; what a waste. If I write in "Ambassador College" the game will be up.
Monday
And then there's my ministerial certificate from Pasadena AC. Ministerial Certificate - what a joke. Why do you think I wanted that damn licentiate! Two years more - wasted on re-indoctrination after the post-GTA bloodletting. Mind you, the money was good in the field ministry while it lasted; on the pig's back really. How was I to know the whole church would soon go into free-fall and I'd end up face down on the junk heap. All that sucking up, and in the end, for what?
Tuesday
Got it! I'll obfuscate the old school on my LinkedIn account. Something kind of ambiguously true if you stretch the details far enough and cross your fingers. Definitely not Ambassador College, that name is rat poison and any idiot teenager can google it and end up knowing way too much. Will ponder further. However, I have already worked out my job title. Nothing like minister, pastor, elder. No "cred" in that. Am going to say I'm a "communicator" and "information communicator". Too cool! Now what about past employers? Nah. Let's pretend I've just been with Dear Leader from the get-go. That'd be upward of 45 years and 25 years respectively. Sounds better than "5 minutes", right? God, I love making this stuff up.
Wednesday
Am I good, or am I good? AC becomes Armstrong University. Here's the thing; anyone googling that will come up with either Armstrong University Online (which has precious little information) or Armstrong State University in Savannah, Georgia. Neither is exactly Yale, but it's still better than AC. Gerald Flurry calls his compound Herbert W. Armstrong College, so I think that's just different enough not to give the game away. Thing is, Savannah is a long way from Pasadena, let alone Bricket Wood. Oh hey, how likely is it that anyone will fact check, huh. Now, how to phrase it...
Thursday
Added Armstrong University and the details to my profile and its up now. The Armstrong University thing links automatically to some joint which is definitely not AC. Oh dear, how sad, never mind. Here's how the education listing works out. I'll flesh out more of the details after dinner.
Education
Armstrong University
Pasadena, CA: ... Graduated with Ministerial Certificae [oops, typo. Never said I majored in proof reading]
Armstrong UniversityPerfect! And I mean, what are the chances anyone will call me out over it! Certainly not those dumb bloggers; I'm way beneath their radar. Doubt my long-suffering fellow alumni will be impressed though, the sort who turn up all teary-eyed for reunions to reminisce about their battle scars. What the heck, a man has got to earn a crust, right? Anyone gets snotty and I can always plead another typo. Just hope nobody takes a screen shot!
Bachelor of Arts U.K. (B.A.)...
Those former WAY OVERPAID Fools in Suits didn't have much in the way of marketable skills or credentials.
ReplyDeleteA book about that saga could use a Shakespearian pun:
How about "A Comedy of Eras", or, referring to the leaders, "A Comedy of Eros"
This may be a pretty good description of the mediocre incompetents of the Outer Party, but the diaries of the psychopaths at the top of the sects are far different.
ReplyDeleteThere were some malignant deceivers in the upper ranks whose moxie and arrogance would place them in the top strata of any organization that utilizes manipulation and deceit. People with that questionable skill set always seem to float to the top. Of course, the most comfortable course for them is to follow the built in money trail, sticking with some variety of the tried and true Armstrongism, so long as it is available. Those are the people who would blow right past the embarrassment of a deficient Ambassador education, insisting that it qualified them to be everything they are today. In most cases, it was the poor schlub who wasn't chosen for employment on the gravy train who needed to employ the tactics outlined in the hilarious diary, hopefully while quickly taking some night courses at community college so that he could pull it off credibly.
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