Things going belly up. Have to find a real job, but my Ambassador degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on. Hoping my studies to become accredited (licentiate in theology) by the Anglicans and Methodists will throw me a lifeline. From "mister" to "reverend", imagine it!
More bad news, the lifeline just snapped. One of the "dog collars" found out about my history as a WCG pastor and the word is out. On top of that my brain hurts when I have to read that theological stuff with all those big words. No job prospects there!
Opened LinkedIn account. That should open some doors.
A job offer at last! One of the sillier WCG splinters, and let's face it, this Dear Leader isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, even by COG standards. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. Gotta keep the wolf from the door.
Working on that LinkedIn account. Keeping the options open. Won't specify the church's name as my current employer - just put up the alphabet soup initials instead. Nobody outside Dear Leader's group will know what it means anyway.
Dear Leader's sabbath. I thought I was well over this Sabbath stuff but, well, when in Rome... Turns out the last guy they employed in this role is now "doing time". I'm off to preach to a congregation of five.
Still working on that LinkedIn entry. Educational qualifications? What to do, what to do? I have this worthless BA from the Bricket Wood campus. Took the best part of five years; what a waste. If I write in "Ambassador College" the game will be up.
And then there's my ministerial certificate from Pasadena AC. Ministerial Certificate - what a joke. Why do you think I wanted that damn licentiate! Two years more - wasted on re-indoctrination after the post-GTA bloodletting. Mind you, the money was good in the field ministry while it lasted; on the pig's back really. How was I to know the whole church would soon go into free-fall and I'd end up face down on the junk heap. All that sucking up, and in the end, for what?
Got it! I'll obfuscate the old school on my LinkedIn account. Something kind of ambiguously true if you stretch the details far enough and cross your fingers. Definitely not Ambassador College, that name is rat poison and any idiot teenager can google it and end up knowing way too much. Will ponder further. However, I have already worked out my job title. Nothing like minister, pastor, elder. No "cred" in that. Am going to say I'm a "communicator" and "information communicator". Too cool! Now what about past employers? Nah. Let's pretend I've just been with Dear Leader from the get-go. That'd be upward of 45 years and 25 years respectively. Sounds better than "5 minutes", right? God, I love making this stuff up.
Am I good, or am I good? AC becomes Armstrong University. Here's the thing; anyone googling that will come up with either Armstrong University Online (which has precious little information) or Armstrong State University in Savannah, Georgia. Neither is exactly Yale, but it's still better than AC. Gerald Flurry calls his compound Herbert W. Armstrong College, so I think that's just different enough not to give the game away. Thing is, Savannah is a long way from Pasadena, let alone Bricket Wood. Oh hey, how likely is it that anyone will fact check, huh. Now, how to phrase it...
Added Armstrong University and the details to my profile and its up now. The Armstrong University thing links automatically to some joint which is definitely not AC. Oh dear, how sad, never mind. Here's how the education listing works out. I'll flesh out more of the details after dinner.
Pasadena, CA: ... Graduated with Ministerial Certificae [oops, typo. Never said I majored in proof reading]
Armstrong UniversityPerfect! And I mean, what are the chances anyone will call me out over it! Certainly not those dumb bloggers; I'm way beneath their radar. Doubt my long-suffering fellow alumni will be impressed though, the sort who turn up all teary-eyed for reunions to reminisce about their battle scars. What the heck, a man has got to earn a crust, right? Anyone gets snotty and I can always plead another typo. Just hope nobody takes a screen shot!
Bachelor of Arts U.K. (B.A.)...