Sunday, 27 May 2012

The End just got postponed

Ten minutes of nuclear Armageddon and lo, the return of Christ.  By today - yes, right now, if not hours past - we should all we witlessing witnessing the Second Coming - at least according to super-prophet Ronald Weinland.  But, oops, it seems the Weinland Messiah was double-booked.

Hence our text for the day (1 Kings 18: 26-29):
26 So they took the bull that was given them, prepared it, and called on the name of Baal from morning until noon, crying, "O Baal, answer us!" But there was no voice, and no answer. They limped about the altar that they had made. 27 At noon Elijah mocked them, saying, "Cry aloud! Surely he is a god; either he is meditating, or he has wandered away, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened." 28 Then they cried aloud and, as was their custom, they cut themselves with swords and lances until the blood gushed out over them. 29 As midday passed, they raved on until the time of the offering of the oblation, but there was no voice, no answer, and no response. (NRSV)

No voice, no answer, and no response.  Not so much as a stray trumpet blast.  Luckily for Ron, he won't have to face the same fate as the prophets of Baal, other than a little biblically-sanctioned mocking.

So how, after predicting the big date and failing, then re-predicting and falling flat on your face yet again, can you recover your dignity and keep on with gathering the Lord's greenbacks?

Ronnie lays his heart open before the brethren.  No sign though that he's going to retire from the prediction business.  Nope, he's already hard at work on that next rambling sermon.  Oh dear, and all that nasty IRS stuff will have to be dealt with after all.


  1. No voice, no answer, and no response. Not so much as a stray trumpet blast. Luckily for Ron, he won't have to face the same fate as the prophets of Baal, other than a little biblically-sanctioned mocking.

    Well, yes, not directly.

    But don't rule out the Servants of God (Romans 13: -- it seems we discussed this), because the handwriting isn't so much on the wall as it is on the indictment documents and he is going to be "weighed" in the balance and quite very probably be found wanting (in his contributions to the Internal Revenue "Service").

    There is nothing like "resisting the power" to bring out the worst in "those who watch over us".

    Of course, everyone here realizes that Ronald Weinland is only one of so many from the Ambassador College Sociopath School of "Conditional Conscience" and now the cat is out of the bag so everyone can see that all the Armstrongist Leaders / Founders are cut from exactly the same cloth.

    I do hope that I have mixed a sufficiently diverse collection of metaphores.

  2. I figure the Pentecost sermon will be about money... I don't know why and maybe that's just me but it seems logical to the past experience. Maybe if everyone digs deep enough and sends in enough money Jesus will return out of pity. I don't know why he would though, because to Jesus, gentiles are "dogs" and whether Ronald wants to admit it or not, he is a gentile. Hey, maybe he'll read this and have this "new truth" revealed to him...

  3. I hope no one quit their Jobs Friday... 'cause they are going to have to cough up some more money for Ronnie to get out of that hole he dug himself.

  4. I figure the Pentecost sermon will be about money

    Finally, something I can agree with Corky about.

    It's always about money. Everytime Ron opens his mouth for a sermon, he has tithes in mind. It's the only reason he does it every Saturday. Ronald Weinland gives atheists a bad name. He does not believe in God and he is running a con for profit. Religion is protected from prosecution by the fact that the tithers are giving instead of the preacher stealing, as part of the con performance. It is a legal con artist scam.

  5. Next stop: A Prison Ministry...

    Although, I don't expect today's modern inmates are much interested in the dates of Christ's 3rd coming -- at least not as much as the dates for parole hearings.

    And they don't have much money they would want to part with for an insane false prophet in prison on a felony conviction for IRS Income Tax evasion. In this case, it will probably be very difficult for a con to con a con.

  6. A Prison Ministry

    The only way for Ron to collect tithes in prison would be with cigarettes. If Ron does not smoke, those tithes won't be any good for him. And if he pulls any prophecy crap in prison, he's liable to get shanked. Then he can use his power to breathe fire on them.

  7. Cigarettes are a currency. He doesn't need to smoke them -- he can trade for other stuff he might want, what ever that might be.

    The truth is that a prison term may only be a pipe dream of the hopeful: There may be a slap on the wrist, some repayment and no prison time or, worst case scenario, found not guilty (hard the same as being found innocent) and have nothing at all come of the prosecution.

    Think of what he'd be saying after that....