|First pizza, now this! What a night!|
May 27, as most of us know, is the day everything changes, for lo, we will lift up our eyes and see the dramatic return of Jesus Christ to this planet, as King, Kaiser, Caesar and Beloved Leader - no voting required.
At least that's what Ron Weinland, the last apostle and end-time prophet is saying. And it's not like Ronnie has led anyone up this particular garden path before, is it?
Just think, all that money Mitt Romney has spent campaigning, and he'll never be president.
The Hobbit movie will never be finished.
The bank will never bleed another mortgage payment off you.
So brethren, what will you be doing on Sunday the 27th as you await the Lord's return?
Let's face it, loose white garments - choir robes and suchlike - are kind of tacky and, well, it's been done before.
Those of us, true believers one and all, who admire Ronnie's selfless ministry and gladly accept that he is one of the two witlesses, er, witnesses, can lend our support on this unprecedented day, the day human history effectively ends, by celebrating.
Assuming of course that the wicked Laodiceans in our midst (and you know
who you are) aren't wiped out first in Ron's Reader's Digest Condensed Tribulation.
Using the sterling example set by The Journal
with its 'festival reports', let's compile some 'end of the age reports' as we mark, in our various ways, the end of time as we know it.
Pizza and the Parousia
. Take the family out to the local pizza joint, but be sure to avoid ham toppings. Stay late, remember, Monday is cancelled.
Bar bar Black Sheep
. No, not a typo, and especially designed for the backsliders in our midst. Get thee down to one of the more salubrious local bars or pubs and order a meal. Time it right and you'll never have to pay!
Fermented Grapes of Wrath
. Stay in for a home cooked meal, but pick up an especially nice bottle of wine to toast Ron, Laura and their Lord.
. Live-blog the big event, or set yourself up for a tweeting marathon as news comes through of the Armies of Heaven on their broken kneecaps crusade ("every knee shall
Signs of the Times
. Put up a sign on your fence as a cryptic witness to the day's true significance. "Ron told us so!", "Bob Thiel will be really hosed off" or "Ron and Laura WHO?
That's only a few of the possibilities. More suggestions welcome. I think I'll go for Bar Bar Black Sheep
- who knows the next time I'll be able to order a pint of Murphy's with the $10 Chicken Parmigiana! Whatever you do though, don't let the occasion pass unnoted. And yes, as we all enter the thousand year millenium, Ron's Wonderful World Tomorrow, don't forget to send in your 'best apocalyse ever'
reports. We'll be pleased to receive them...
...regardless of the state our kneecaps are in.