Tuesday 11 January 2011

The name of the Beast

"Covenant Church of God," "Church of God, Ambassadors for Christ," "Church of God, a Worldwide Association," "Faithful Church of God" and "Church of God, a Christian Association."

Those are the five choices from which the name of new Armstrong sect will be selected according to the latest update from the lads in Louisville (and available here.) Are we all feeling inspired? As far as I can tell, though, there's been no discussion of a church motto yet, so in the spirit of Christian helpfulness I'd like to suggest a few, and invite readers to add to the list.
  • Our ministers know best
  • Shut up and just do what you're told
  • Accredited by God to take your money
  • Home of the 65 minute sermon
  • We micro-manage your faith
  • Lucre not Luker
  • Preaching British Israelism, Preparing our Paychecks
 More suggestions?


  1. That was the COGaWa press release for yesterday's meeting, Gavin.

    Hanisko announced today out of 121 ballots cast, 84 were in favor of continuing the current temporary governance structure, which option passed, until a permanent one is selected.

    Pinelli also announced today that COGaWa has a total today of 68 ministers, 54 in the U.S. and 14 international.

    The name ballot was announced today by Pinelli. I have posted a summary of today's Louisville meeting at Ambassador Reports

    Stan Gardner

  2. How about "Church of God Industries"?

    That is the true nature of their work. Making money from the consumers of their product.

  3. Thanks Stan. You're right, but it was the latest available when I checked earlier today.

  4. No, you're right, Gavin. The COGaWa hasn't yet written their press release for today's proceedings.

    They're probably reading mine first. ;)

    Ambassador Reports

  5. "Church of God--A CHRISTIAN Association?

    That's a big admission and progress right there.

    How about, "We're More Faithful Church of God, Than You Ever Were Church of God."

    "Old Covenant Church of God."

    "THE Church of God Church of God"

    "The Profittick Church of God"

    "The Church of God--A Scatterd Association."


    Making the Bible Mean What It Never Meant

    Piously Convicted yet Marginally Informed.

    Scholars? Hell no, We've Got Booklets!

    The Church of God-We Do the Math--Adding by Subtracting and Multiplying By Division

    Going Where No Mere Bible Reader Has Ever Gone.

    Shits n Splisms, er... Splits N Schisms Are Our Business

    ok, I repent, many of these guys are my former buddies and I feel sorry for them to have to go through yet more of the same, Three Hundredth verse resembles the first, experience. However, I guess they choose it.

  6. Church motto?

    Here's one which should work:

    We tell the best lies.

  7. How about,

    "We're right, so there!"

  8. How about?

    Getting it wrong since 1934.

  9. How About,

    "Kiss My Ass All You Dumb Sheep(as I walk out the door and leave you hangin')Now All Of You Know What I Really Think Of You." So...

    "Kiss My ASSociation Church of Gawd"

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  11. COG Native, a Dissident Association.


  12. "The Five-to-Seven More Years Church of God"

    "The Seven-to-Twelve More Years Church of God"

    "The Definitely Within Most of Our Lifetimes Church of God"

    "Pray and Pay COG: P&P COG"

  13. "Making it up as we go"

    "If you own it, we want it"